Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't deserve a penis
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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