I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
