Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
