A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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