Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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