Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
