i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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