why didn't you poke me back
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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