I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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