Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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