I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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