i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
