apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
