Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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