Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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