So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
