I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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