who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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