Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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