sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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