btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
