i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
two words: eviction party
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
