so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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