So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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