omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
