I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
