it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
