He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
