cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
