so explain again why im purple
no
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
