Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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