As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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