Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
