She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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