At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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