sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
