and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
