i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
