If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
