That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
