someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
