I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
