I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
