he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
