i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
