My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
