my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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