So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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