I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
