it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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