I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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