i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
soo... how was my night?
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